A Short Play by Jim Marcus

Jim sent this over to me yesterday; worth posting.
-------

Immediately after the events of September 11th, Usama Bin Laden sits around talking to a stunned, but helpful, American Guy.

Dude: What happened?

UBL: I just flew some planes into a couple of buildings and killed a whole bunch of people.

Dude: What'd you do that for?

UBL: We want your country to be more like us. You know, an oppressive poor theocracy.

Dude: allright. What do you want us to do?

UBL: First of all, you guys could talk about god a little more. Just like we do. See if you can fit it in as often as possible.

Dude: Yeah, we can do that.

UBL: You probably need to pull some of that science out of school books and get some god in there, too.

Dude: So evolution?

UBL: please. That should go. And we don't buy that birth control thing. Abstinence is the ticket.

Dude: ok. Just asking. We can work that in.

UBL: You need that massive disparity between the rich and poor that we have. And you're not really a poor country until you get id of that big, ugly surplus.

Dude: Hey, we can do both of those at the same time if we just give tax breaks to the rich. Spend a little more and Bam, no more surplus.

UBL: That's good thinking. Now. You need to be hated. This makes it easier to deal with you.

Dude: We could invade a whole different country. Kill some kids. Do some bombing.

UBL: I don't know...

Dude: Check it out, dude, we'll make it someone you hate. How about the ONLY secular government in the Middle east right there.

UBL: I like it. Thanks. But you need to do something about that freedom. Freedom of speech, fair trial, search, that stuff's got to go.

Dude: We can pass a bunch of laws restricting all those freedoms. What do you think aboutt hat?

UBL: How will you get away with that?

Dude: Easy, we'll just say it's patriotic. People will buy it.

UBL: And how about your homos. We kill ours. Sometimes just chop off their weenies.

Dude: We'll get there. What if we just pass some laws restricting them for right now, see how that flies.

UBL: Meh. It's a start. I wish you could kill them.

Dude: If we degrade them enough, people will just do that themselves, just like in your countries.

UBL: I see your point. But you still treat your women too well.

Dude: We can get rid of the right to choose. Give us time to get some new judges in, then we'll go to town. At the very least, we can start cutting resources to prevent violence against women.

UBL: Ok. I approve. Just keep moving backwards and we'll be fine.

Dude: So you're not going to fly any more planes into stuff.

UBL: Nah. Old news. Hey, you're not checking those containers shipped into the country yet, are you?

Dude: What? ohhhh, you rascal, you (ruffles UBL's Hair)

End